Empowering Children to Speak Truth in a Confused and Offended World

“Mom! He hurt my feelings,” five-year-old Sarah said as she walked into the kitchen with her four-year-old brother following.

    
“Oliver, say you’re sorry. You hurt her feelings. You need to be nice.”

This is a very common conversation in many households. At first, there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with it. Mom is taking an opportunity to teach her children to consider others and reconcile. But let’s look deeper and consider three things:

Tattling

Even some of the most vigilant parents can allow this one to fly under their radar without realizing that it’s actually tattling. Why is tattling so wrong? Because when children tattle, they’re mimicking the accuser of the brethren, Satan (Revelation 12:10). Tattling is a sin, and its purpose is self-serving. It isn’t meant to HELP the one being tattled on- rather, it’s quite the opposite. 

We don’t want our children to think they can’t come to us and express their feelings though, so how should we coach them to handle a situation such as this? Teach them to be patient, and to ask to talk with a parent privately. (Expect this to take some time of repeated explaining and examples until they understand.) When you’re speaking privately with the offended child, listen to how she feels and then help her work through her feelings by using Scripture verses.  You can empower her to control how she’s feeling by training her thoughts.

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
                                                                                                            2 Corinthians 10:5

Don’t allow the offended child to see her sibling “in trouble” for his actions; that will only justify that he caused her feelings to be hurt. The ultimate goal is to help a child to forgive the one who has hurt her, regardless of his reconciliation.

Next, talk privately with the child who hurt the other. Explain what he did and why it was wrong (if it was wrong). Guide him through the process of making things right with his sibling by confessing his wrong, seeking forgiveness, and restoring.  

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.                                                               Ephesians 4:32

There should be a very strong sense of family identity in the home of preferring one another and loving one another, and an intolerance of wrong-doing toward one another. But there should also be a very low tolerance of feelings being hurt by another’s actions that weren’t wrong, but simply disliked. Throughout our lives others will say and do hurtful things in the workplace, marriage, church, etc.  We should strive to have an excellent spirit through it all like Daniel did.

Then this Daniel was preferred above the presidents and princes, because an excellent spirit was in him; and the king thought to set him over the whole realm.                            Daniel 6:3

Grounded in Truth

When we train our children how to think, they are empowered to control their feelings. Saturating their minds in the Word of God (His promises and commands) is the best way to do this. They will gain freedom from the words and actions of the people around them when the foundation of their thoughts is a biblical, eternal, heavenly worldview. Becoming grounded in Truth and controlling their feelings also empowers them to speak boldly in love into the ears of a dying world without fear.  They will be able to hold their ground the way Jesus and His disciples did. We have the opportunity to train our children to not be people-pleasers, but truth-speakers by guiding them through their conflicts at home. As we teach them to have compassion for one another, but also to do right by God, we are equipping them to be unstoppable vessels for the Lord.

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me his prisoner: but be thou partaker of the afflictions of the gospel according to the power of God.

          2 Timothy 1:7-8

Humility, Love (Charity), and Dying to Self

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.                                                                                   1 Corinthians 13:1-7

Ultimately, what will abound in your children’s character by training them this way? Love and humility. There isn’t a time when I’ve felt so low and, at the same time, so blessed than when I have chosen to not allow someone’s words or actions to affect how I feel, and instead used them as an opportunity to ask the Lord to examine my own heart for the sake of how I can best love them.  When I have chosen to speak Truth in love even though I knew I would be ridiculed, I know God is pleased. When we arrive at that crossroad, we can make the choice of doing what is right over what is popular, and what is needed over what is comfortable. When we raise our children in a home with a culture of ownership instead of victimhood, we are raising truly sharp and straight arrows who have the tools they need to make a difference and to be used by God. They will not be crippled by injured feelings because His approving, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant.” (Matthew 25:21) is the only thing that matters.

Stacy Bullock is a wife and stay-at-home mother of four kids. Married to her high school sweetheart, Joshua, she couldn't imagine a more fulfilling life. She enjoys playing the cello, horseback riding, and helping other mothers find fulfillment in making their quiver a happy and heavenly home to sharpen and ready their arrows (children) to be launched into the world to glorify God in following His calling on their lives.