New Beginnings (Part 4)
I hope you’ve made some baby steps towards the goal you are hoping to achieve. Remember, when we trip or fall, we can get back up.
I realize that some of us shudder at the thought of a daily schedule or even the word “routine”. However, whether we realize it or not, our days do develop a rhythm - our goal is to find one that harmonizes with our lifestyle. If you think about the word “rhythm”, which means “a strong, regular, repeated pattern of movement or sound”, it’s usually in the context of music. We all know that when an instrument or band does not follow the rhythm, the sound is unpleasant and confusing. It lacks harmony. Our daily lives are the same. When there is no consistent pattern, we have confusion and disharmony in our home. No one knows what comes next. So what steps can we make to achieve the harmony in our home that our heart truly does desire?
· Take a deep breath and tell yourself, I can do this!! It may take a few days to think through what will actually work for you and your family.
· List all the “must do” activities that take place in your home every day. Include every person who lives in the home and how each activity impacts them. For example, in most homes, everyone needs to get out of bed in the morning. What time is that going to happen? Ideally, with the exception of a newborn, everyone can have a set wake up time. For those who are capable, they can get dressed on their own and come to the kitchen for breakfast. I think you are getting the big picture. There is a rhythm/pattern that can develop over time. Start with just the first event of the day (that’s a baby step) and stay consistent, Monday to Friday with that timing. There can be flexibility over the weekend.
· Next think of that time between breakfast and lunch. (Yes, set a time that lunch will take place.) What is going to happen in those 4-5 hours? For some it means going off to work/school/daycare, which also takes care of your lunch time. Those who are at home will require more planning, especially for those who have children under 5 years of age. There are ideas for planning this time in On Becoming Toddlerwise or read this post on structuring your toddler’s day.
· Another good rhythm to implement when you have littles in your home is a nap/rest time after lunch. Moms often ask, “At what age should naps stop?” Well, that will vary according to each family, but a “rest time” can continue for years. There are moms I know that have chosen to home educate their children through high school and still implement an afternoon rest time. Often, it’s because we moms also need some down time.
· Planning the hours between lunch and dinner will again depend on the ages of your children and whether they are at home, school or work. If you plan a rest time for a minimum of 1 hour, that helps. Do you have a regular dinner time? If not, that too needs to be set based on when everyone is home. For families where Mom is home with young children and Dad comes home late, many find it helpful to provide a light snack around 4 p.m. so they can wait to enjoy dinner with Dad. Talk it over as a couple to work out what will work for your family. The “baby step” to take is establishing a set time for dinner. For more thoughts on mealtime, see this post or this one.
· Last, but not least, is bedtime. For children between 6 months to 10-12 years, parents need to establish a consistent bedtime. According to the Sleep Foundation, it is recommended children should be receiving 12-15 hours of sleep for your 6-month-old and 9-11 hours of sleep for your 12-year-old. As parents, we need 7-9 hours.
Wherever you are on the spectrum of creating a harmonious rhythm for your family, if you desire to make positive changes to your home environment, just take that first baby step.
Set yourself up for victory by keeping things simple. Make one small change at a time. It may happen quickly and it may take days, weeks, or even months. But if we don’t begin, we’ll find ourselves in the same place we were a year ago, only our children will be a year older and less pliable when it comes to yielding to a change. Again, speaking from personal experience, I found once I could get my act together with just a little thing, like making sure there were no dirty dishes left in the sink before going to bed, or folding my laundry right out of the dryer, or tossing out the junk mail right away, I became a much nicer person to live with because I wasn’t constantly overwhelmed. My family responded positively to those little baby steps. As a phlegmatic/enneagram 9 (think laid back), it took effort and perseverance, but it is so worth it. You can do it too!!
Blessings,
Anne Marie
PS Remember, if you have questions or other topics you’d like to see addressed, please send them to https://contactmom.life/ask. We are here to help you enjoy your journey of parenting.