Train Up a Baby?
One of the many pieces of unsolicited advice we received as new parents was to not be stressed since, “You don’t have to do any real training until they are at least one year old.” Thankfully, we did not take the idea to heart, and as a result we have already started reaping the benefits of “Train up a [baby] in the way he should go; even when he is [a pre-toddler] he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).
My husband and I have kept first-time obedience, with its various stages and components, as one of our top priorities in deciding where to put our child-raising energy. With that long-term goal in mind, we practiced saying “Come to Mommy/Daddy” when lifting our infant son out of bed or picking him up from play time. It took a few months just to train ourselves to be consistent! Ezra didn’t crawl until almost 12 months, but he was quite proficient in rolling and wriggling anywhere that he wanted to go. Throughout those rolling months we played the “Come to Mommy" game, calling his name and gesturing for him to roll to us, with plenty of cheering when he came to find out what all the excitement was about. By the time crawling started, he was familiar with the pattern and would often come when we called (and if he could see us). Of course, there were plenty of times when he chose to ignore us and we would have to move the distracting toy aside, turn him around, and call his name again. Now as a 16-month-old walker, Ezra consistently comes when he is called and follows our subsequent direction, even if he feels compelled to vocally object along the way – one step at a time!
We have discovered that an advantage of this mindset to train our son even before pre-toddlerhood has been the ability to incorporate Ezra’s new skills as soon as they show up. My mother exemplified this concept so effectively that we now regularly look for opportunities to implement it. Since starting solid foods, we had been faithfully helping Ezra sign “please” and “more” at mealtimes. After four months and no indication of understanding, we were starting to get discouraged. While on a trip to visit my parents, Ezra learned how to clap his open hands together. My mom immediately identified that it was close enough to “more” to communicate, and by the end of the week, 9-month-old Ezra knew exactly how to get all the Cheerios his heart and stomach could desire. When he saw how effective “more” was, he started using it as an all-encompassing “please/more/help” request for that moment’s desire. (Hooray for communication!) Similarly, “all done” was quickly added once he learned how to wave goodbye, and “thank you” came on the heels of blowing kisses. By the time we first saw Ezra clasp his hands together, we knew we could transfer that to folding his hands during mealtime prayers.
Combining these concepts of teaching toward future goals and co-opting new skills has allowed us to implement another line of training that I hadn’t originally dreamed was possible at the pre-toddler stage. Ezra had started a habit of loudly letting me know when I was taking too long to get his food from the fridge to his high chair. Preoccupied with his food, I kept asking him to “Be patient, Ezra” and “Have some self-control.” Frustrated with the fact that of course he didn’t know what those words meant, I finally remembered that Ezra had just recently learned to fold his hands while we were praying and I thought, “Self-control hands!” That day Ezra started practicing what we call “patient hands,” and we now use them for everything from waiting for food to diaper changes, touching off-limit things, throwing food on the floor, and more. By the count of 10, he calms his flailing body, stops fussing and crying, and is ready to listen to and obey our direction. I’m sure it will take more time and effort to find a happy heart as he gets older, but even as a pre-toddler Ezra is able to start learning the necessary skills.
We are at the beginning of a long journey with our son, but we regularly look ahead and ask ourselves where we want to be. Like a GPS telling you which lane to be in to most easily make the next few turns, incorporating key future goals into our current parenting priorities allows us to begin as we mean to go!
Laura Holmes lives in North Carolina with her husband Ryan and 16-month-old son Ezra (and a daughter on the way). As a GKGW kid, she first learned about the GFI parenting principles from watching the original video vignettes before her parents’ classes. She is now learning how to turn theory into practice as a first-time mom.