Finding Forgiveness (Part 1)
Forgiveness Can Flourish in the Garden of Your Heart
In my garden, there are stepping stones which were given to me by my adult children a few years ago. On them each child inscribed some of the memorable phrases used while living in the Lentz home for two decades. These included “pits and piddles,” “BLAST” and “flying figs.” (They were my choice expletives used instead of swear words.) Other quips written on the stones were things my kids heard frequently like “Be a blessing,” “Make wise choices,” and “Forgive.” It is this last one I wanted to write about.
Forgiveness is a tricky concept. Books have been written about it, sermons have been preached on it, and many Scripture verses admonish us to do it. Colossians 3:13 is a verse God used to weave the powerful tool of forgiveness into my life:
bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so must you do also.
What are we to forgive? The word used in the NASB is complaint, in other translations it is grievance (CSB), quarrel (KJV), or difference (Phillips). The sentiment is this: if someone is doing something that bugs you, you need to forgive her; if someone has done something horrible to you and all your friends agree it is horrible, you need to forgive him; and if there is someone in your life repeatedly engaging in an activity causing you any distress...you guessed it, forgiveness is the answer.
It is important for us to train our children to both ask for forgiveness when they have hurt others and to offer forgiveness when they’ve been offended. Forgiveness transforms the heart from bitterness to love and from anger to acceptance.
Why should we forgive? Because we have been forgiven! We are forgiven by God in the blink of an eye. God tells us in the Bible, “as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our wrongdoings from us.” (Ps.103:12) Having received God’s forgiveness for all my many sins should cause me to have a gentler response when I’ve been offended. Forgiveness is vertical work between God and me, but there is also a horizontal element I am responsible for.
I used to think that, in addition to asking God for forgiveness, it was my responsibility to also ask Him to convict the other person’s heart. However, as I studied Colossians 3 and looked at Jesus’ example while He walked on this earth, I saw that I too could forgive others horizontally. God is still intimately involved in the process, but I have the power to do just what Jesus did and forgive horizontally, in other words, forgive those around me. For example, when someone speaks unkindly, my response can be, “I choose to forgive them for their unkind words,” When others offend, I can respond in love to forgive the one treating me rudely. Spiritual heart health requires that I do the work within and trust that God will work in the life of the other person. Whatever the offense, whoever the offender, I did my best to train my children that the right response was always to forgive.
Forgiveness keeps away the weeds in my heart and in my children’s hearts. In Hebrews 12:15 we are warned against allowing bitterness to take root. I’ve noticed that the pesky weeds in my garden seem to grow faster than the carefully planted seeds. A root of bitterness not only affects my soul but also those around me. Have you ever become angry at the dog and then turned on the kids and then finally your husband? How many people are affected when I don’t forgive and allow bitterness to take root?
There were moments when one of my kids could not do anything right in my eyes. I became very critical and, in my heart, I wanted to point out every one of his infractions. Those responses alerted me to a heart that needed to approach the throne of grace and begin forgiving. As I laid my soul bare before the Lord, the Spirit began instructing my heart and pointing out where I was wrong. Sometimes the problem was a lapse in the training of this child; sometimes my expectations were unreasonable; and sometimes there was simply a lack of understanding in the moment. Forgiveness begins a dialogue the Holy Spirit finishes. Once my heart was right, I could go to the child, confess my wrongs and with a right heart explain to him areas that needed correction.
Are you cultivating a spirit of forgiveness in your heart? As you model right responses to those who offend you, your children will learn from you and those good seeds will take root in their hearts and lives as well.