Repentance, Forgiveness, and Restoration
Repentance, forgiveness, and restoration are critical concepts that we need to faithfully teach our children. But when are they needed? And what does the repentance/forgiveness/restoration process look like? Well, it depends on the situation. Let’s face it, as parents we are always facing conflicts. Some of those conflicts come from intentional rebellious attitudes and some come from innocent mistakes. This is where we as parents have the moral duty to determine whether the conflict was deliberate or innocent. Intentionally wrong attitudes and actions require the full multi-step process while innocent mistakes do not.
Example 1: Siblings are playing in the backyard. One sibling intentionally pushes his brother because he was angry with him.
1. Repentance: “I was wrong for knocking you down and not demonstrating self-control” (This step always includes confession: “I was wrong for…” and then verbalizing the offense).
2. Forgiveness: “Will you forgive me for pushing you because I was angry?”
3. Restoration: “I’m going to work on having more self-control in the future.” After receiving whatever correction the parent deems most appropriate (perhaps isolation from playing with his siblings for a set time), he can resume playing with his siblings again. Parents need to continue to supervise the play time so that the one offended doesn’t treat his sibling in a passive aggressive manner or vice versa. When complete restoration takes place, the relationship should go back to how it was before the conflict.
Example 2: Siblings are playing basketball and when one child throws the ball to his brother, it bounces off the ground and hits the brother in the cheek. This is purely innocent and accidental.
1. Repentance: Repentance isn’t required. Instead, the child can say, “I am so sorry that the ball bounced and hit you in the cheek.”
2. Forgiveness: The child does not need to ask for forgiveness either because it was an innocent mistake.
Sometimes, the child who was struck with the ball may become angry because he got hurt, even though it was not intentional. He may become bitter toward his brother. If this occurs, the parent will need to have that child work through the repentance/forgiveness/restoration process mentioned above due to harboring anger against his brother.
3. Restoration: There doesn’t need to be any formal restoration in this scenario, although it would be appropriate for the child who threw the ball to express his desire to use more caution in the future. Following an innocent mistake, the siblings can start playing ball again.
Restitution: In either deliberate misdeeds or innocent mistakes, if something gets broken – like a window or a toy, restitution is called for and the child at fault should replace the broken item. When there has been a financial liability, restitution should be included in the restoration process
Gary Ezzo said it best in GKGW when he said “To say, “I’m sorry,” is to acknowledge a mistake; to ask for forgiveness is to acknowledge motives of the heart.”
As you continue to train your children in the repentance, forgiveness, and restoration process, it will eventually become a learned behavior. Sadly, not everyone in this world lives by this moral code of conduct and as your children grow, they will likely begin to notice that there are inequities in life. Our daughter had an electronic device broken when a friend was visiting. The parents told the girl to tell our daughter that she was sorry. That is where it ended; there was no effort made to fix or replace our daughter’s electronic device. We saw this as another training opportunity and humbly shared with our daughter that not everyone understands the biblical standard. We encouraged our daughter to forgive even though her device did not get restored to her because “that’s what the Schrocks do.” We told her, “We understand your disappointment and frustration so this time, Mom and Dad will buy you a new device to replace the broken one.” Family identity will help your children through the inequities of life.
As your children become characterized by working through repentance, forgiveness, and restoration with others, it will allow people to see Jesus in your children. When your children carry this moral code into adulthood, they then become a witness to others of what walking in true humility looks like. Isn’t that what we raise them for?
Cynthia Schrock was born in Ohio but grew up on the mission field with her parents in Quito, Ecuador. She married her wonderful husband Eric in 1990. They have two adult children: Ashley and Matthew. In 2016 Cynthia completed a 13 year long journey of homeschooling. Eric and Cynthia have been involved in marriage and parenting ministry over 20 years. Cynthia is a Contact Mom, helping moms with solutions in their daily parenting struggles. She has also authored a book on celebrating others called The Ultimate Gift of a Birthday.