Valuing Marriage
Marriage? I thought this was a parenting blog. Stick with me – you’ll see how it relates.
We all place value on the things that are important to us. Just recently I was speaking to a friend who bought herself a pair of “cheater readers”. These are glasses you can purchase without a prescription. She paid $400 for her cheaters. I almost fell off of my seat when she told me that. I said, “You do know you can get those at the dollar store for a dollar?” She said she knew that but because of the value she placed on these cheaters, she felt she was justified in spending a lot of money on them.
We regularly place a high value on many objects, places, and people in our life, yet our spouse can rank low on our list of valued relationships. I know as a parent, life can get very busy, especially when your children are in school. But it is through these years especially that you must be proactive in placing a high value on your marriage. My husband and I participate in something called “The Marriage Sanctuary”. It is a marriage coaching ministry for pre-engaged, engaged, and married couples, as well as couples in crisis. We spend 10 weeks with these couples helping them appreciate how fulfilling marriage can be if they value each other. On the first week, we teach them how to place significance on their relationship by spending 15 minutes every day sitting down and just talking. When we learned about “Couch Time” from Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo over 26 years ago, it saved our marriage. They taught us to value each other and to make time to spend sharing with each other every day.
Here are the simple steps for starting Couch Time:
Pick a time daily to connect that is uninterrupted.
If you have young children (elementary school and below), they need to be present during couch time but should not be allowed to interrupt. This brings peace to their hearts as they grow secure in their parents’ love for one another.
If you have teens, they need to know what Dad & Mom are doing to strengthen their marriage relationship (i.e. date nights, couch time, speaking one another’s love language, etc.)
Couch time doesn’t have to be on a couch. It can be after dinner at the table, or on a porch while the kids are playing in the yard. You can be creative.
No electronic devices allowed! No TV, cell phones, ipads, computers, etc.
If your spouse works away from home, FaceTime is a wonderful tool to keep Couch Time going. (This is the only time devices are allowed.)
Do not discuss stressful things. This is a time to enjoy each other’s presence.
This one simple concept has helped pre-engaged couples who are wondering if marriage is for them to take that next step towards engagement. It’s helping engaged couples enter into marriage confident they can keep their relationship strong. Let’s be honest - there is a lot of divorce in our society and much of it stems from couples who say that they “just grew apart”. Couch Time is a game changer - it helps couples thrive and grow together.
Starting couch time can be difficult for married couples who have already set patterns after years of marriage. Parenting, work, hobbies, and even church activities consume all of their time. These couples often think they are doing well, and they may be. However, in the midst of all of these wonderful life activities in which they are often serving others, they forget to value their marriage. Couch Time brings them back together for 15 minutes a day in front of their children, encouraging them to prioritize their marriage. Soon, they want to spend more time together and they remember to place a high value on their spouse.
Couch time can also be difficult for those with a troubled marriage. Often, they no longer see the value in their marriage relationship. Couples in crisis have a harder time with this concept because it has been so long since they have taken the time to just sit for a 15 minute talk with their spouse without it erupting into something ugly. We have seen couples like this start Couch Time and, by God’s grace, end up falling in love with their spouse all over again.
Value! Value! Value! What is your marriage worth to you? Is it worth peace in your home? Is it worth security in your children? Is it worth falling in love daily with your spouse? A simple uninterrupted 15 minutes a day of just chatting and really listening to each other can truly save a marriage! It truly can save a whole family.
Cynthia Schrock was born in Ohio but grew up on the mission field with her parents in Quito, Ecuador. She married her wonderful husband Eric in 1990. They have two adult children: Ashley and Matthew. In 2016 Cynthia completed a 13 year long journey of homeschooling. Eric and Cynthia have been involved in marriage and parenting ministry over 20 years. Cynthia is a Contact Mom, helping moms with solutions in their daily parenting struggles. She has also authored a book on celebrating others called The Ultimate Gift of a Birthday.